` A day in the life of, Me.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

I DON'T WISH TO SEEK REDRESS.

so don't judge me when you don't know me.
;VIVA LASALLE.

flames to dust.
lovers to friends.
why do all good things come to an end.

infinitytimesoflove

Saturday, November 25, 2006

"I'M NOT LIKE REGULAR MOMS. I'M A COOL MOM!"

Okay. Since almost everybody's questioning my sanity and level of written intellect in unison, i shall TRY to simplify (or, in the local mongrel-lingo, "i wun use sho many cheem cheem words liaozxzx worrhs! cutiexpwincessgongzhupinky shit."), this entry.

The holidays hit me like a giant yellow schoolbus. It made me think of how life, as we know it, is just another ASININE, mono-syllabic deja vu.

OH WAIT! HEY? I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS SHIT.

One thing about me. I see life as an airport brimming with arivals and departures. This, in turn, leaves me breaking down in the inside.

So here're some things i'm brooding about.

"IF THEY COME AND GO, WHY DO I STILL FEEL WHAT I'M FEELING NOW?"

"WOW. IF I FEEL THIS WAY, THIS SHOWS THAT SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME. OH, THAT BITCH STOLE MY HEART."

"WHY DO THEY HAVE EVERYTHING?"

"WHAT IS THE CATALAYST TO LOVE?"

"DID SHE LOSE THE BATTLE?"

"AM I WHAT THEY ARE, IN MY HEART?"

"YES. I'VE BEEN THERE, AND I'VE DONE THAT. BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE TO LIKE IT."

"WE'RE LIKE ISLANDS DRIFTING ON SEPERATE CURRENTS."

"FRIENDS FOREVER.. .. RIGHT."

"SHIT. I REALLY CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THIS: IF THE 2008 OLYMPICS IS GONNA BE IN BEIJING, WHERE'S 2007'S GONNA BE HELD?"

"THIS SELF IMAGE/INFERIORITY COMPLEX THING, HAS TO GO. SERIOUSLY."

"WHY DO YOU REMIND ME OF THOSE PEOPLE?"

"I'M TURNING INTO HER.. .. SHIT."

"I SHOULDN'T HAVE WATCHED TENACIOUS D."

"SHOULD I CHANGE MY HAIRSTYLE?"

"I WANT DARREN'S REVOLTAGE BAG IN WHITE."

"IS DARYL GONNA CALL ME?"

"SEX SMEX!"

"EW. THAT TAIWAN AJ!"

"HE SO TRIMMED HIS BROW.."

"EW, MY NAIL BEDS SUCK."

"WILL THAT IDIOT DARREN FALL ASLEEP BEFORE CONFERENCING AGAIN?!"

"WHY AREN'T PEOPLE REPLYING TO THE TEXT MESSAGES I SENT THEM."

"I HAVE REALLY BAD BREATH IN THE MORNING"

"I WILL SO MISS HER. SERIOUSLY."

"OH MY GODDY GOD. THIS BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER SECONDARY-SCHOOL-FRIEND-DRAMA OKAY. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT SHIT."

"TUNA. I NEED TUNA."

"WILL STARBUCKS REALLY EMBRACE DIVERSITY?"

"OH MY GOD. LET THE OSCTRACISM BEGIN."

"WHAT IS SHE GONNA DO?"

"WHAT IS DARYL DOING NOW.. GROSS."

"HANNAH!!!!!!!!"

"I SO NEED RETAIL THERAPY NOW."

"I SO DO NOT SPEAK WITH AN ACCENT LARH."

"WILL I BE REMEMBERED BY PEOPLE?"

infinitytimesoflove

Thursday, November 23, 2006

In the wee hours of the morning,
with only my despondency as my awning,
the sun sets after a vivid dawn.

Like time and tide,
and the days of old.

I embrace the night's solitude,
oh-so cold,
with only the warm vehemence of hope i hold.

A civilisation lost,
a species found,
I question Divine Providence to some may sound profound.

Where arrivals and departures take their own orbit,
I am but a black drop of ink on a white sheet.
Like a lonely soul marooned on an island,
where parallel lines don't meet.

For this is the haunting melody I sing,
so these are the words you hear.

With the pain of my pining heart being torn apart,
I bear,
where only the cosmos will meliorate my entire Affair.

infinitytimesoflove

Saturday, November 11, 2006

TEARS ARE FILLING UP MY CHAMPAGNE FLUTE, FOR THERE IS NO TOMORROW.

The very things I preach about are the very things that dichotomizes me. If given a choice, I'd drown my sorrows with absolution. But yet, I'm still sitting where I'm at now, waiting for divine intervention. I believe that there's a charlatan in every one of us; the very things that we choose to conform to. Which may be derisory to some people. But to me the things that i conform to; my very belief system; my ideology, is, unfortunately, uncomprehensible to many and stored behind a flood gate.

I used to think that no one understood me. That is until i came to LaSalle. I wouldn't say that people now, understand me. But i feel that the environment that i'm in now, accepts what I've come to senses with. Beaneath this blithe disposition lies a highly complex mind, with a slight nod to despondency. Being in the reality that we're in now, is like being in a reality television show with Divine Providence as it's Executive Producer and it's audience.

We all change due to the need for adaptation. It's weird how I'd rather lose myself than to express and let the world see the real me. For those of you who think that you know who i am, back in secondary school, think again. People in LaSalle, don't be too smug and complacent either. You think you know me, but truth is, you don't. For the few that know me, congragulations! You've got yourself a Mermaid. And for the even fewer lot of you who know the REAL me, an even louder round of applause! You've got yourself a burden. So is it safe to say that I'm only myself to a sprinkling lot?

Well, they know who they are. And I'd like to express my heartfelt grattitude towards them. But there are still things that i choose to safe guard within the walls of my flood gate. These things are undeniably emotional.

We do everything for Love. Everything we do, leads to, Love. I choose to believe that. Since my time in LaSalle, I've realised that I'm deeply emotional and i get affected by trivial things around me. These things could either put me up high on a pedestal or plummet me down into the depths of worriment misery. These are the things that i still choose to keep behind my great within - even to that sprinkling lot I call Le Destroyers and another category that i've yet to confer due to sexual orientation issues.

Sensitivity aside, I feel that I've grown into a more spiritual person as opposed to religious. Currently, my impression of people in LaSalle went under a drastic modulation. Some people still are the way they were as I left them in my previous post. But some some people did change for the worse. Like what I've said above: "You think you know me, but truth is, you don't.", in mind, i swore to myself never to make the same mistake again. The mistake of judging people. That is, if i could avert it of course.

But if our ways of recognition; our relationship, is warped, would you still see an analogy when the closest friends became family and family becomes the closest friends?

Oh but who am I to play judiciary.

infinitytimesoflove

Friday, August 18, 2006

EVERYONE HAS PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T HAVE THE FILM.

Just a few months ago, i was sitting right where i'm now at. Blogging about the melancholy i was feeling. I was hoping for someone besides Divine Providence to extradicate me from my emotional wreakage. But NOW, to hell with those feelings because running away from those feelings' like stopping nature's clock-work.

You see, Time is one funny thing. It has a certain effect on us ALL. This effect takes on all forms of irony and coincidences. I too, try my very best to forget about despondency. But Time, Time Oh Time! Like the Devil scantily clad in Prada, she has us, ALL on her leash.

I am sure that there isn't always a plausible scientific explanation to everything for the creations of Lady Bitch; Time. In this case, Deja vus. Not surprisingly ironic because entering a whole new environment that has allusions at every nook and cranny was already a prick in the behind for me! That strange but awfully familiar feeling is hard to elude. It's like you have this bizarre impression of having experienced something before. And now, school is just another redeuplication. From aquaintances to the environment and all it's grim pre-pubescence!

After a long and excruciating interim, school has finally started and with it, the mandatory making of new friends and exchanging of correspondences. School isn't just another cupcake on a fat boy's plate which he then voraciously downs with pleasure at the drop of a heck! Being a juvenile at heart, i too understand that school is a place of irreverent juvenility. Alexius and i went into our usual meltdowns when we found out that we were posted to different classes. The one fear that i always have is the loss of someone familiar in a new environment. I reckon, we ALL have that insecurity buried in that cold, cold, heart of ours. I thought to myself that i wouldn't be able make new aquaintances if i just keep to myself. I took the first move and made myself three new BOSOM-buddies.

Hannah Banana, Miss Double J, and Ria Natreesha Folicia Monicha Bonifa.

Like scenes from a High School drama, my class is divided into cliques. One thing i learnt from my class, that it's a BITCHY BITCHY BITCHY WORLD that we live in and that first impressions don't really count. Some people weren't as nice as i thought they'd be. There are people who are sarcastic, curt, monosyllabic and sardonic. Well it only takes one to know one. Which means that i too, am part of the above categorization. But they are also people with values so PURE and divine that, they become Heaven worthy.

In conclusion, i made many worthy aquaintences. Too many to name. In fact, i made friends with a person who speaks French (so that means i'm not the only CHIENNE) and i also found a friend in a fellow animal lover cum avid blogger. So the TOUGH-AS-NAILS people that are still on pending (which i have no idea why) are, the androgynous/Dior Homme/Hedi Slimane worthy creation, and that girl who just stepped out of Teen Vogue. Both, FASHION WORTHY. I guess i have to stop being that chienne mauvaise that everyone loathes. OR. NOT.

So until the next ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS entry, i'll leave with a quote:
" Stop trying to run away from your past, because that little BITCH will catch up with you and grab you from your ass! Instead, FABRICATE IT BABY! "

infinitytimesoflove

Sunday, July 02, 2006

I BOUGHT iNEEDALIFE* BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE HAS ONE.

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infinitytimesoflove

Sunday, May 14, 2006

IF BARBIE WAS THAT POPULAR, WHY DO PEOPLE STILL BOTHER BUYING HER FRIENDS..

So it was a long time since i updatted. Whatever, go deal with it. The reason I decided to blog about my SOON-TO-BE-FABULOUS LIFE today is due to the fact that i have plenty of time to kill because my itinerary ended after church today.

I realised that friends whom you label as your B.F.F (Best Friend Forever) can just drift away at the snap of your fingers. I've been rather melancholic about my predicament lately. I was engrossed in reading up my previous entries last night. Those entries were filled with innocence. I was so naive to think that what i had, then, would always withstand the transtition of time. Sometimes i think to myself, how gratifying it would be to me, if time stood still at senior year in secondary school. Where friends share a close-knit relationship, where they stood by each other, and where they depended on each other. Since I knew it is an inevitable fact that we would go our seperate ways after secondary school, living in denial was never the option. I only allow myself to be caught up in a reverie of time, long past. The term B.F.F (or in my terms, they were fondly labelled as Byotches.) is seriously overrated unless you really mean it. I know that only a miserable few meant it, maybe only one? It's funny how you prioritise your friends. They fall into different categories, like, Byotches, Friends, and even Acquaintances. These are just part of your own ideology. Your Byotches might think otherwise. You might fall into a completely contrasted group when compared to the group you placed this friend of yours in. Just like how you only choose to confide in someone you knew since the start of your secondary school life, than someone whom you only knew for a brief year or two. Of course there ARE exceptions. There is is instantaneous "click" when you're conversing with another person whom you just met. To me, when this "click" happens, that person i am talking to is a friend worth keeping. This is just how i think. People might tell you this, "Aiya, school hasn't started for you yet. When school starts, you're bound to make new friends and DITCH/FORSAKE/FORGET(i forgot the ACTUAL term they used) us." Leaving me to think that since school started for them and they made new friends and all, it's written in the stars that they DITCH-ed/FORSAKE-ed/FORGET-ed(okay once again, i forgot the ACTUAL term they used). It is, afterall, what they said to me right? So here i am, in a futile wait for reciprocation.

A wise person once told me that it is just a part of Life. Because what you're going through now is a completely diverse phase when compared to your friend's. So I can really relate to that. My Grandmother also once said that if you happen to meet an aquaintence whom you you lost contact with, twenty years down the road, you're destined to be friends. Only this time, friends FOREVER. I must really hand it to my Grandmother to come with these words infused with wisdom.

Oh and P.S. When you're feeling down, listening to sad songs will STILL fail to solve things.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. YOU SURVIVED MY LATEST ENTRY!

infinitytimesoflove